there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
