Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
