My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
