NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
