I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I deserve this hangover.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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