I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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