If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
