dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
