Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I am available for nakedness
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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