Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
