I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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