That's intense
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
