OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
