I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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