so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
