i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
