We won't sleep together?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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