whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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