just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
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Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
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bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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