drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
