He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
All the doctor said was why
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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