Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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