my phone needs a breathalizer
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
