I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
