You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
