I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
