Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
