So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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