R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
