so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
