If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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