I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
