how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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