i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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