Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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