Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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