I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
