Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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