she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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