I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
