if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize