well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
