we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
