is your mom at the bar?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Sober January is a disaster.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
