wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
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