There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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