I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
did you just send me my own nude
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
