She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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