My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
