these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
