You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
