I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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