Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
