yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
third nipple confirmed
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
