The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
