does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
