I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
