I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
