That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
