well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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