mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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