I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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