Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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