fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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