They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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