Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
