Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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