I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
