I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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