Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
