it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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