i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
