dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
