in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
