well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I did not marry a roomba.
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