This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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