i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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