hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
